Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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