i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
