used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
we made out on top of his cat.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
