she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
