I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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