I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
