There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
