My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
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