I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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