Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Come see our sink grown plant.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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