I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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