An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
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Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
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I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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