Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Naked Twister starts at high noon
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Enjoy the penises
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
