Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
