There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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