This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can't turn off my feet"
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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