There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
