I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Randomize
