I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
