She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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