if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
