There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
