Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.

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  (650): just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight. http://tfl.nu/nhc3
  Replies (47) Good night (1242) Bad night (4577)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like

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  (757): It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like http://tfl.nu/masc
  Replies (81) Good night (9427) Bad night (1646)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.

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  (757): I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour. http://tfl.nu/8whx
  Replies (16) Good night (4609) Bad night (945)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would

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  (405): i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would http://tfl.nu/ua94
  Replies (7) Good night (3893) Bad night (910)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?

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  (770): If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way? http://tfl.nu/2yix
  Replies (7) Good night (4300) Bad night (1770)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.

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  (972): I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car. http://tfl.nu/qc2u
  Replies (3) Good night (1158) Bad night (2499)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.

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  (425): Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun. http://tfl.nu/x8cc
  Replies (13) Good night (2734) Bad night (1095)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?

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  (281): Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner? http://tfl.nu/iojv
  Replies (18) Good night (987) Bad night (3845)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.

  (858): View more from California

  That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.

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  (317): They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof. (858): That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car. http://tfl.nu/twx7
  Replies (6) Good night (821) Bad night (835)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?

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  (720): i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today? http://tfl.nu/v6y2
  Replies (7) Good night (1720) Bad night (553)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...

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  (267): Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket... http://tfl.nu/72dv
  Replies (4) Good night (1023) Bad night (537)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.

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  (405): Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out. http://tfl.nu/dhlk
  Replies (9) Good night (1849) Bad night (528)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*

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  (306): just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm* http://tfl.nu/auxk
  Replies (2) Good night (678) Bad night (350)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.

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  (901): This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis. http://tfl.nu/kmqs
  Replies (1) Good night (520) Bad night (304)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.

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  (507): The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes. http://tfl.nu/cmuk
  Replies (1) Good night (500) Bad night (249)

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