Texts From Last Night

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  (517): View more from Michigan

  he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.

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  (517): he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there. http://tfl.nu/pbyg
  Replies (14) Good night (6292) Bad night (882)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.

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  (303): Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break. http://tfl.nu/0dv9
  Replies (17) Good night (5190) Bad night (887)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.

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  (440): Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family. http://tfl.nu/crmt
  Replies (17) Good night (5098) Bad night (789)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??

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  (201): dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her?? http://tfl.nu/1hfi
  Replies (8) Good night (1206) Bad night (3984)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward

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  (775): she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward http://tfl.nu/zi7g
  Replies (10) Good night (5961) Bad night (1428)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.

  (214): View more from Texas

  elevator sex. pronto.

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  (972): the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me. (214): elevator sex. pronto. http://tfl.nu/j5vd
  Replies (5) Good night (2777) Bad night (987)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.

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  (386): Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here. http://tfl.nu/vy2d
  Replies (6) Good night (2098) Bad night (847)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  you had me at cake vodka

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  (973): you had me at cake vodka http://tfl.nu/ixlp
  Replies (14) Good night (2071) Bad night (643)
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  (626): View more from California

  obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that

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  (626): obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that http://tfl.nu/w2iu
  Replies (9) Good night (1828) Bad night (675)
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  (805): View more from California

  Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.

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  (805): Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes. http://tfl.nu/5iyn
  Replies (5) Good night (1792) Bad night (537)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?

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  (785): Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird? http://tfl.nu/9vh0
  Replies (8) Good night (1445) Bad night (670)
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  (310): View more from California

  you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer

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  (310): you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer http://tfl.nu/3y4u
  Replies (0) Good night (663) Bad night (346)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.

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  (970): Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter. http://tfl.nu/0i73
  Replies (3) Good night (700) Bad night (427)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size

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  (360): My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size http://tfl.nu/d6g3
  Replies (1) Good night (495) Bad night (217)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like

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  (705): its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like http://tfl.nu/rqvs
  Replies (1) Good night (331) Bad night (112)

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