well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.