Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE