I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
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knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
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