It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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