this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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