also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.