go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.