she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun