you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
