I skipped work to stalk him.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
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yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
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Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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