So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
