OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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