I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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