Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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