We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
