i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
