I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
