im six kinds of drunk right now
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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