More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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