we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
