I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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