Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
