I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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