Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
