So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
