Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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