There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
