i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
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