dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
