it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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