Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
