I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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