Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Michael Bay diarrhea
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
So many bounce houses so little time
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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