Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
