i just wanna soil my oats bro
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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