I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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