Sponge bath it is.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
