i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
