apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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