I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
