dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
