a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
