New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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