I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
