No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize