i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I don't want my vagina anymore.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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