Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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