dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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