We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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