i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
