She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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