I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
