OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
