It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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