guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize