every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dick very happy bro
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
