omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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