Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
