"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Two words: blizzard sex
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
