if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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