I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
