Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
