If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
