Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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