Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
