I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
